27.08.2021.AmerikaOdyssey

 

The U.P. giving what she's got in full force today: pouring rain. Timing is everything. The days grow heavy as the barometric pressure dropping. My heart growing even heavier. Decay exists. Fascinating to witness. Is it real? Why do we persist to exist? Life is strange in this way; we set out to conquer life- through all our triumphs and tribulations- and for what? We decay. We deny, but we decay. We violently turn away from decay. What if. What if instead we don't? 

Pondering. Musing. And off to dindin fun. Curt working his family favorite carbonara recipe while I perfect my famous salads. Tim pontificates. It's happy hour and we are happy to be together discussing the day's events, which were challenging at times. Happy hour morphs into dinner hour while evolves into South Park hour. This is my cue to fall into a jet-lag haze. Fade to black. *kerplunk*

It's a Cool, Cool Summer

7 August, 2021 communique 

current mood:

inspiration: DP [aka Wild Thang]

websites currently opened:

https://www.harpercollins.com.au/blog/2018/04/09/how-to-read-jonathan-franzen/

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYs8tVQ8oZw

current podcast: My Favorite Murder 286

current state of mind: Da Kine...obvs...

current design projects: 2 (1 piece nearly finished)

current location: deep in the depths of my hard-drive

current focus: finish semester, hop on a plane, Portuguese, Amazon packages (yea, sorry I gotta say that I'm back once a year in 'Merika & I NEED things, so...), family time, new endeavors, The Kitts 💖

 

That's about it. Too much on my plate today! Podcasting while researching = many re-starts :) 

To summarize: I WANT IT ALL

 

 

HERstory: Spiritual Gangster Part 397...

 

I'm in a "SHE-RAH" kinda mood these daze. No apologies, but pondering. Lots of pondering going on over here in Camp Holly... 

Solo_ojo (unknowingly) taught me a lot about the art of penning while pondering others actions, which feel unjustified. Yea, back in the daze of Gaziantep.

Fast-forward to today: I.Have.Learned.Much in these arts.

So in America today, I see this meme or soundbite (wherever it first came from, I know not): "fuck around and find out." It's been all over Twitter for some time now. I like it, politics aside. 

Let's see what my latest foray into this realm will bring me... I have no expectations.

You know what feels good? Just the art of the email itself and figuring, "what the fuck. Why not? What have I got to lose?" When you express yourself from the heart, there is nothing to lose. One has said their peace & laid it out for others to attack, accept, debate, etc. Whatever the result, I'm already winning, I figure.  As well, I've always thought about what people inevitably say to help express their sympathies with you, etc., "When one door closes, another one opens."  I will take that to heart. 

In other news... next up on deck: channeling energies into useful distractions.

I got this one, too. I have this love/hate relationship with my sewing machine.  I love that Miss Barbara, Sardar, and myself went out shopping for one a few years back here in the bazaar.  I hate that it doesn't have a foot pedal. It sat ignored for a full year- minus the 1st casual dalliance with it soon after its purchase (uhm, putting stickers on it, threading it, checking the tension, etc.).

I've been quite the creative crochet-core enthusiast this past year and now I'm in 'cross-over' mode: splicing together two favorite loves of mine- sewing and crocheting. Yes, knitting is taking a back-seat right now because... crochet, of course!

So I'm making this funky-ass pencil skirt. Once again, the fabric comes from traipsing through the Sulaimani Bazaar with Miss Barbara and Sardar a few years back. Because I'm growing tired of all this conservative dress that has been self-imposed on myself, I'm going all out. Thinking forward to live in Europe, I've got a thigh high split so high that it's going to create it's own windy weather system... 

Anyhow... I'm digging on the two textures. 

I'm also really into the HERstory of my pieces: I've been creating some pieces in the last 6 months and feeling super creative these days- which offsets the bs exploding all around me, as well as throughout the world... To date, my favorite pieces are my wrap-skirt I recently completed (a la Diane Von Furstenberg), a minimalist, sleep racer-back slip dress, and now this stretch pencil skirt. 

The process of art and science keeps me entertained for sure.  Add in some happy hour entertainment and BOOM. I'm a one-woman show. As I've recently stated, I think us Gen-Xers have sailed fairly smoothly through 'lockdown in the age of coronavirus'. 

With each piece I've created, the story that I have woven and inset into the fabric, etc., is monumental.  Each piece has its own life, its own story and each is titillating- however you wish to interpret that is fine by me... To top it off that all this has occurred in Kurdistan is the icing on the cake so to speak. HERstory is real y'all...

HERstory rocks

Spiritual-ness

 So... readjusting the kaleidoscope is EXACTLY the medicine for today. Damn straight. The usual Friday shenanigans ensued, as always: up early and into the gym. Today I received the additional gift of being able to talk story with one of my fav. gym partners. A by-product of her getting up early and myself getting up late!  Win-win. 

Likewise, I found some time to talk story with my friend in Bahrain, who has recently bought an apartment in Portugal!  Yes, I'm focusing on creating a community of friends in my future headquarters, and now those friends are purchasing properties before me!  All in good time though, I figure. 

I'm also so stoked on realizing that I will indeed have some time in the near future to get to Portugal and start my house-hunting. Knowing that I will soon have a sweet village house with local neighbors... this makes my heart soar. 

Speaking of soaring hearts, I just returned from a run, which I almost didn't go on- because... well, just because.  Anyway, I re-adjusted my kaleidoscope and BOOM! I was out the door. Just three days ago I was working out with my pal David & I showed him the secret gardenia bushes on our trail- which were not yet flowering (but the mulberry trees did indeed have black berries on them that tasted delish). To my surprise, this afternoon, there was one solitary gardenia holding court all alone in its glory.  Five laps and 3 sniffs each lap... I'm winning.

Cultivate what you want. Cultivate relationships with who you want to hang out with. This is big. Some people are energy-suckers and their toxicity threatens to permeate. They can spew all the bs that they want, but none can permeate my spiritual membrane- that I nourish, replenish, and let flourish. Something that my father, likely unknowingly, taught me early on. 

Perhaps he taught me to remove myself in order to find myself. After all, I can always return...Perhaps that is exactly what Brother David thought as well, as he trotted off early in life to 'find himself' on his own spiritual journey.  I certainly think so. Leave the nest to find your zest. I'd like to think that they both are shining their light down on me and are somehow a part of my path.

Sure, I have my bad days. When the time comes to finally pull myself outta my funk and realize that I have cultivated family relationships & circles of friendships that are 'family', I realize how fortunate I am and consciously work to shut down my negativity. Works like a charm. 

I'm beginning to feel it's time to start the process of winding down shop over here, and the unknown is feeling kinda fresh. Let's see where the USDOS Teaching Specialist gig will bring me. Should I stay, or should I go? That is my decision at the moment, and it feels pretty good in this time of big unknowns. 

I think I'll just relish in this thought for the rest of this lazy afternoon... It's probably also a good afternoon to re-instate my Netflix account!

dis-connect from discordance

 Re-adjusting the kaleidoscope this weekend as I know how to. Disharmony has no invitation to settle into my essence. Check it out. Check out. Check back in. Renewal. 

Saturday morning on the lanai feeling hypnopompic. This. This state of mind is where I flourish- even in this discordant environment where work life threatens to dominate my being. Fuck it. FUCK IT. Get the fuck over it. Fight or flight. I give a beauty of a fight when push comes to shove. I shoved myself this weekend. 

So... the cocoa butter has liquefied. It's that time of year. The morning breeze is steady and further checks me out. The healing continues. Elemental. It's all syncing, penetrating, making me malleable once again. 

One of my yoga teachers in Istanbul had this funny way of checking it out in class. It went something like this: "Inhale deep. Exhale long and slow: f   u   c   k   i   t". At some point the entire class is chanting FUCK IT. Good days, those were. 

So a good dose of 'FUCK IT meditation' is up and running this weekend.  It's all about the dose and I give good dose- especially when I'm at critical mass. 

One Hundred Years of Solitute. An interesting book to discover During the Time of Covid-19... Here's the thing; Covid-19 necessitating solitude was never the challenge for me. Perhaps it's true that the Generation-X peeps weather the isolation easier than others, I'm not sure. My cocoon has been pretty tightly wrapped long time now. I'm doing well, for the most part. I have surrounded myself, as always, with my passions. 

The beauty of that feeling of turning pages of a book... That sound. Connections made. Minds altered. Spirit travels. Yes please. Take me away. 

Working out + jazz music. What a powerful combination I've delved into. Charles Mingus. Art Blakey. Freddie Hubbard. Miles. Stan Getz. Sergio Mendez. All the ledgends old and current. 

Crocheting 'granny squares'! Yes hardcore cottage-core happening in my abode. I'm crocheting together my path. My story. So much goes into each square: energy, memories, tears, fantasies, goals, life-force. 

Today... I think I'm ready to pull out my sewing machine- that I have a love/hate relationship with. Unfortunately, when I purchased it here in Sulaimani, the only models available were without a foot treadle...Who the fuck uses a sewing machine like this?  There is a button to press on the machine itself to 'reverse' & when you need to stop. It's a lot to deal with when one likes to be guided by creativity and instinct and suddenly you stress to figure out how to stop the machine. 

Stopping the machine... Yes, that's what I'm doing this weekend. A HARD STOP and a FREEING RE-START. Yes, FUCK IT. That's where I'm at and so thankful that I  continue to reach this space. 

My Secret Gardenia Garden Season 3 is nearly here. On my walks and runs right now spring is EVERYWHERE. Those pesky gardenias are still undercover though. It takes perseverance to appreciate their blossoms!  The weather is increasingly hot. I feel they are ready to POP any day now. The roses are in full-bloom so my olfactory sense is overflowing with sweet nectar, allowing me to get into that dream-time space. The cake... soon come. The March of the Gardenias nears. I wait with anticipation. 

The freaky gas canister delivery truck is blaring in the background. It's like some kind of fucked up horror movie starring scary clowns. A jackhammer hums nearby. As I occupy my lanai the, pigeons fret about- wondering why they are barred from landing on my lanai. FUCK IT. Fuck them. Fuckers. I'm at war, and I give good war. 

 I am whole again. 

Peace 

 2021 taking shape

 

A Mesopotamian teaching moment in the UP of Michigan

With trepidation, I rang in the New Year here in Mesopotamia.  As it turns out, so far, 2021 is full of positive vibrations. I have a lot to be thankful for. I have an awesome family that accepts and supports my strange existence and loves me as I love them. I have work that is challenging and allows me to grow stronger in my perceptions of what I am willing/not willing to do. A safe space has been created where we can discuss freely our opinions, suggestions, grievances, etc. 

Recently, I felt I needed a boost with my career so re-applied to be a Georgetown Teaching Fellow, or now a 'Specialist'.  I was accepted and am awaiting an assignment/project/country. We shall see what happens. Now that classes are back face-to-face I'm feeling re-invigorated. Change is in the air- even if it is simple from 'within'. 

I think it was simply the process of re-evaluating my space that I needed to delve into.  My situation is golden: I am healthy, happy, loved, working, and, increasingly important, moving towards my goal of buying a property in Portugal. 

As I review my existence, I see how hyper-focused I was on US politics during the previous administration.  As 2021 is falling into place, I transfer this dis-service onto my back-burner. Let it recede into my background to reach the back recesses of my external hard drive- to never bring up again. 

Some luxuries were offered up in 2020- like being able to return to the US- mid Covid 19 pandemic- and teach remotely while visiting family. Three luxurious months.  Probably the highlight was driving across the country with my brother, sister-in-law, and Madison the dog. For a week we traveled, and so did my students. They traveled the US with me with our ZOOM sessions.  They were so excited to see the next rest stop, the next trailer park, a US basement, meeting all my family, etc. I have a small group of ex-students that still ask about my nephews or their dogs, etc. 

It was an amazing experience to share with them. They got to hang out on my mother's front porch and watch the UPS truck drive up and drop off Amazon boxes for me, they met our neighbors, they traveled to the Pine Mountain Ski Jump with me and walked the steps with me. It's strange to think that online teaching brought us closer together. Or, it's not so strange actually.  

So fast forward to February 2021 and I feel pretty solid with my trajectory. Change is in the air, always, and my focus is to take on change with as much grace and positivity that I cultivate from with-in as with-out. I obviously have my setbacks, but that's alright.

It's a long weekend since midterms at the university are tomorrow so I gave myself this time to hunt for properties in Portugal.  Covid and continued lock-downs have continued to stunt my plans, yet solidify them at the same time. Yesterday I went down that beautiful rabbit hole and checked out properties all day. Twas a glorious rainy day indeed!  

So, that's where I'm at in this chapter. It feels good- even in this unfinished, unpolished state.  Life is a rare gem that arises from eARTh in its raw form and what follows is a series of polishings with a focus on attaining eternal shine.