Twilight 4am NYC
Well beyond the bewitching hour, I have accomplished enough bewitching for the evening and now I lay in bed restless- awaiting sunrise. This evening’s lexical choice that comes to mind is ‘charmed’ or to charm: to delight, to attract, to captivate, allure, lure, fascinate, enchant, enthrall, enrapture, seduce, and a personal favorite of mine, to spellbind… When told you are charming, you sense a magnetism or drawing power- well, not power as that is too ill-suited a word to apply, I think, to consider for all things alluring so perhaps fascination is more easily digested.
There is a loveliness to hearing charming in conversation- especially spontaneously. My heart beats rapidly for a few short, dazzling moments while a wave of sudden shyness ensues before the afterwash of uneasy proud acceptance retreats to a moment in time you want to relive forever.
To feel those fleeting, elusive moments of that wave washing over oneself… now that is an elixir to aspire or dedicate one’s life to, to drink freely from the source- to know the source. So many civilizations before us to present day searching for ‘the elixir’ The people who laid awake through the bewitching hour perhaps asking questions to the universe and deeming a response necessary & in knowing so are perfectly content to await signs, consult necromancers, cast runes to seek destiny marking mysterious & magic significance, and all other means of esoteric knowledge.
So this ‘elixir’ goes beyond charming of course but I suppose in my world, this is necessarily included in the package deal. In my quest to find my elixir, I realize that it is already within, but the search, or the seeking to keep hold of this knowledge without letting clutter of societal banter pollute your body enough where it loses contact with the mind and the two forge 2 separate channels where moments of convergence are far and few between… yea, the division into channels frightens me. War baby.
Through moments of intense stress this semester in school I could feel my body atrophying. Not enough attention paid to hearing/ feeling clues, or hearing them but refusing to ‘go there’ because you got to see something else through that consumes you. It was 4 weeks of intensity, 4 weeks of such incredible loads of brainwork and not enough brain food to manage homeostasis. Through it all I learned so much- again. What you are reading here is my reaction to returning to a balanced state of mind. The summer intensive classes, elevated by being in NYC, had almost wiped out my capacity to keep the river moving as 1 flow. The channel was forming, it formed- for a while in my timeline. I felt the dual, incompatible rhythms. Just a little test to remember I can tough it out when needed, but it is a lot to give up- rhythmic flow of body & mind.
You’ve got to document these moments because the power, the elixir morphs into the words when needed and needing that crutch of seeing the words, well this leads to feeling the words, responding to the words and finally manifesting the words. A great outlet when deep in mental concentration for a finite stretch for me anyway. So hearing charming, as you now understanding through my words, threw my body into delightful waves of magnetism- even if only for a few moments of my timeline, it’s not a feeling to forget easily.
In other news, I am beginning to let go of NYC and welcome thoughts of Maui. I have consumed NYC & taken in its charms for almost 3 months now. NYC’s charm lies in its nocturnal pleasures offered and received. NYC’s charm lies in its movie houses (a special thanks to you Christopher for telling me of the Film Forum- probably my favorite spot, and the cheap Mexican food joint around the corner from it you can dash in & always get a quick bite before the movie). NYC’s charm lies in walking the island- everywhere once you step off the subway. Yes, NYC’s charm lies in the subway, and the iPhone w/the subway apps, the streetfinders, etc. NYC’s charm lies in the food. NYC’s charm lies in the people, the conversations, all the different languages one hears while walking- everywhere. NYC’s charm lies in its small clubs- in which Carolina, my partner in crime and schoolmate, do extended research every weekend, and many a weeknight as well.
This brings me offtrack (not really I am now thinking as there is no track…) to this past weekend. Inez is in town a few days enroute back to Puerto Rico via Portugal, and the 3 of us head to Little Italy for late night din din at OUR spot, with OUR charming Albanian waiter (“Watch out” Carolina says, “I know these Italian men- they’re trouble!”- oh gosh Carolina thank you for that one as I will always crack up when I mimic those words of yours) watching the world go as we dine at tables on the narrow sidewalk next to the (pedestrian-only on weekends) narrow street. I can feel the history as I view the present and surmise the future. We walked for hours afterwards, going in and out of clubs and really living this city. We ended up at the Stonewall Inn where an amazing cast of characters helped us on our journey while listening to finger-tapping, spontaneous karaoke-ness along w/the other patrons and a lone dancer guy who was having a marvelous time.
All the cast of characters in my NYC play are fantastical. There are no bad days here, stressful yes, but bad- no, definitely not. That’s not to say that I’m not excited to leave. These are great moments on my timeline and just throwing myself in a situation for 3 months time is a fantastic journey and my charm in life. I love to travel. I love having my mind blown. I love being challenged by new environments and finding the nuances of a place that make them yours. In a sea of millions, having places where you can take refuge & feel comfortable- this has been very pleasurable for me in this city.
Hmmm it’s now 5:30am & I have to be up at 8 to be in school by 9… damn the nocturnal charms. So hard for me to resist… Now pondering becoming enraptured by Maui’s nocturnal charms – soon enough AND w/a new jungle hut. I have seen pictures of what I think is my next shack and it is on the property where Big Bruce used to have his sweatlodge. It is a sweet property. It is a seductive property; everything is so big there: the flowers, the trees, the open starry sky viewed from the top of the property, the laying on the grass gazing up at said sky in the bewitching hour, the stream, `opili lau (if I remember correctly), the rain showers, the rain soakings, the charms- everything. Soaking up Maui’s elixir and a quick disco nap before class…