|Take Me Home, Country Road: Maui 2016|
Hitting me hard this morning. Sounds of the rain soaking the earth, outside. Droplets, reflecting Hawaii, hit the ground and bomb me with stories, anecdotes of Island time. Island existence- nothing EVER so good as moments out in the jungle, your jungle, listening, feeling, soaking up that speed-ball of sensation that knocks you outta this reality that we Homo sapiens tend to keep ourselves imprisoned within.
How can you not become and transform your chemical make-up into something so pliable and willing to submit to a greater cause than to ourselves. To shed our layers of security, to begin the process to shave off, such as an onion. Shed these layers that serve us no more. Let go. Release the tension that binds you to these useless reins. Why do Homo sapiens have this urge to hold onto such poisons? Why do we keep challenging ourselves- to the brink of dis-ease, and then fewer and fewer able to find their way back...
Sunday morning in Büyükdere. 9:30 AM. Rainy.
The Kitts are snoozing. Speaking of The Kitts, they snooze a lot lately. This is how they deal with their unease of the future that they both sense is soon to be upon them. The 3 huge suitcases, that have already been lying underneath my work desk downstairs. One is fabric. They incessantly attack that one. All 3 AI objects represent the enemy as far as they are concerned, and can remember back to being uprooted from their far-away Dilmun desert kingdom, and transplanted to the shores of the Bosporus. As victorious as they may feel, in clawing at and trying to break down that impenetrable cloth, they know the victory is hollow as the other 2 objects are indeed inaccessible...
They cling to this existence that have come to know- after intense trepidation in those first few days. The pile of clothing I have been amassing for months to give away to Syrian refugees. This is Shaika Spot's domain. Her upstairs HQ. Sami Bey, being the more 'needy' feline, he prefers to be closer to me. He prefers the comfort of an old favorite; a microfiber blanket.
I started packing right before my spring break camping/hiking trip to Kas. I thought it would be a good way to ease them into this newly resurfacing feeling of unease into the unknown. It's an experiment. They both appear to be adjusting, mainly by sleeping and sparing. They'll be fine.
Will I be fine? Sure. This feeling of unease, I've rather gotten used to and, dare I say addicted to, it. Sure. Why not. This reinvention. This shedding of the previous layers. The memories don't slough off necessarily; carcasses of memory laying around for the right time to awake from deep slumber remain within different chambers of our mind. Sometimes such utter clutter lodges inside for so long, so comfortable to settle snugly into ourselves, creating havoc or pleasure.
So yea, these carcasses full of ruination, these are the ones we must consciously work hard at in order to fully shed and depart from our systems. We can't afford to hold onto these for too long. We are such fragile creatures after all.
Let's instead worship and cultivate the resurrection of the good stuff. That's my agenda. Hard work. Big payoffs. The pleasure covenant. Let it be.
Maui has long been a principle pleasure covenant of mine. Consciously working hard to make this an unconscious, instinctual action. This is my big payoff, always. Not necessarily the physical plane of existence, but the mindset. Those senses, urges, pleasures that circulate my system, sending good vibrations along the journey. I feed my body with thoughts of specifically addressing THIS. This harmony- it certainly has its ups and downs.
This morning for example is a 'down', yet a result of an 'up'. Spending time with friends yesterday in Gümüşsuyu, we partook in adult libations and the most scrumptious pupus (appetizers), BEFORE a sit-down dinner and dessert brought by the token man of the bunch. We feasted, in all senses.
Perhaps we over-feasted. Thoughts of trekking back to Büyükdere soon consumed us weary pleasure warriors. A taxi ride won out, and soon enough B43 was at the curb whisking us away out into the dark, blury Istanbul late night skyline.
How to process the 'ups' and 'downs' into the most efficient carcasses, this is the question. I tend to just let them settle into existence, competing with the library of carcasses in different stages of suppleness or rigidness. Kinda like a dewey-decimal system of storage. How to access the right carcass at the right time? Ancient technology vs. modern technology storage. Both can work in unison to develop a more accurate system, designed to go with your immediate flow. Sometimes it doesn't work out... How to turn an inflexible carcass back into something malleable? It's possible.
You will lose a few of those precious carcasses, but not perhaps forever. This is serendipity. This is deva ju. I love those moments whenever they arise. I've had a few lately- mostly about high school times, as memories of those times flooded back last week, when news of a friend who passed came.
What does it all mean? It means, in the immediate future, that Imma have to remove Shaika Spot's castle of security that she lays atop in the next few days... Sami Bey will be the better creature and let her share his sacred space, while THAT is still available. For me? Well, time for me to go through my possessions, once again, and filter out some more that don't really serve me. Challenge accepted...
...And there are those church bells ringing, for the 2nd time today. Another experience to process. Where to fit this one in? How often will it surface? Who knows, really. What I FEEL, is that the jungle, the rains, the island all support the pleasure covenant.
I realize my words might not make sense to all, or even one, but there is nothing I can change about them- in this moment of their perfectness... Of course in the next moment, when I want to proof-read, they (briefly) appear nonsensical. I can't help it. I am driven to write in the moment.
Here comes the rain again, a beautiful Istanbul drenching...
"Here comes the rain again
Falling on my head like a memory
Falling on my head like a new emotion..." Eurythmics