6.20.2009

ponderings

The bewitching hour here in NYC & no one to bewitch. So much external stimulus surrounds me here that it is difficult to take it all in. As I try to concentrate on working tonight I keep becoming preoccupied with the term 'bittersweet' What exactly is the state of bittersweet? As per Wikipedia; "

Bittersweet refers to a combination of the standard tastes of sweetness and bitterness, and is often used as a metaphor for experiences which have binary elements of happiness and sadness, or pleasure and pain."

So there you have it. So perhaps what I am experiencing is not a state of bittersweet-ness but just incredibly fortunate to be dealt the hand I've been dealt in life, or more appropriately to make choices based on my desires. Rarely am I disappointed in my choices lately. To be able to feel something, a situation, and express the dualities that exist within every said situation. Or is this just a legacy from my father to analyze things and break down everything from machines to concepts into a raw material? At this point I have to consider this a unique flaw of mine that is part of the merchandise and the appearance of these flaws just adds to the artistic ensemble...


I suppose I am speaking in tongues. Easy to do in the bewitching hour. As well it is easy to speak in tongues in this city. There are so many solitary warriors going about their day that so much just slips under the radar. As an ethnographer I am overwhelmingly fascinated with subway etiquette. Rarely is there a sighting of a Homo Sapien doing nothing. Required social (or rather anti-social) apparatus includes iPod or iPhone, or other said "off brand choices"; less likely a book, magazine or newspaper, a rarer sighting of a homeless person to the rarest sighting being someone doing absolutely nothing. When I am caught offguard with nothing to cover up my undercover covert ethnographic observing, I tend to look at people. No one is really trying to catch anyone's eye. Lives seem so private and unapproachable. I had a miraculous conversation (ok, some basic niceities acknowledging mutual disagreement with the system) yesterday with a chick that came on the next stop after me and as she entered the train, a wave of heat struck her and she let out a long sigh- thereby effectively communicating to me that she, too, was revolted by the heat. We looked at each other and just laughed as everyone else stared vacantly into their distractions.


I am also finding out that one cannot do everything on one's list for the day in this city. It takes dedication of reading through various publications and adding onto calendars, first the phone so can download to the computer and various alerts days in advance of things. I find my iPhone beeping, or rather quacking, to me every few hours with something to do. How am I ever going to find the time to study and excel in school- which is the entire point. In fact, I need to be studying right now... I cannot let this quiet, dark solitude of the bewitching hour pass by without an opportunity to become bewitched by my school books. Yes, better than nothing...