Rambling on as I sing my song...
Late night = early morning = exciting. So much more blood pumping through my veins since last Sunday evening when I turned in my paper to my professor. It was like a big spiritual dump & I am cleaned out & empty & need to fill up again. Sometimes it is so simple as, "think & you shall receive"!
It all started last Sunday evening: I could barely re-read my paper for the small kine errors- you know, the ones that read as "as" but are supposed to be "an" and the spellcheck no check em for these errors. Somehow I had the luck to text my boss & tell her I was to be a no-show at work Monday as had to much to do. It ended up I slept from 7:30 pm until 1:30 am & woke up and woke the computer up that was sleeping next to me (now that school is pau am happy to report that a ukulele sleeps next to me). Again pounding the keyboard for a few hours & last revisions, it was over; 2 years of incredible academic stress imposed on a body who likes to be stress-free jungle/beach/mountain mistress, 2 years of zombie-like behavior balancing school & work & little else, 2 years of another type of high adventure of mine that I thrive on. It's all good- the entire path as it just leads to a slight ponderence at the upcoming fork in the road, and then a decision & fly with it.
Fly I did- Monday morning early dawn patrol got me to Peahi, otherwise known as "Jaws" where the sport of tow-in-surfing flourishes on those occasional perfect conditions & people suddenly blow onto island as suddenly as the swell arrives with the winds & ride these mountains of waves with up to 40ft. faces this past week! It is a mountain of water moving towards the shoreline and us spectators sitting atop a ocean cliff composed of decomposing basalt from episodes of volcanic activity that is characteristic of a non-continental land mass...
The energy was apparent everywhere. It's infectious. We all had smiles in appreciation of the amazement we were witnessing. You know, it was just a super great start to end end of a chapter for me. It's strange to live in a place where there is so much natural beauty still preserved and want to be out in the elements all the time but cannot because work/school takes up all daylight hours... Needless to say it was sensory overload & overstimulation watching the men who ride mountains. Now I'm thinking about Iz Kamakawiwole & wanna learn to play that song on my ukulele.
Oh yes, the ukulele. Some explanation must be necessary as it has replaced the computer for sleeping on the bed privileges next to me. It's definitely a step up from doing school work and falling asleep at the computer in bed. And Adrienne, bless her heart, has found me a teacher already. I'm feeling the love from everyone these days! I just feel lighter w/less obligations! I don't have to put myself on time out anymore! YIPPEE! It's been a consistent lightening of the load since Thanksgiving Day and so much pomp & circumstance of sorts to validate: first there was the `awa ceremony on T-Day, then the sweatlodge on the property, then full moon on my birthday (YES!!!), then thesis turned in, then monster waves, Indian christmas party & meteor showers last night and today, a simple Saturday, yoga class & straight to the beach ALL DAY! Gosh I deserve this. Reading a book on the beach all day- a pleasure book mind you- I finished Kon- Tiki and just started "South: The Endurance Expedition" about the 1914 Sir Ernest Shackleton Antarctic traversing.
Work is even letting up a bit. More background history research on projects and report writing lately and this is always a good thing. Fieldwork is spicing up a bit as well and I think something big is coming our way soon!
As I lay here in the darkness I reflect and realize that I'm pretty lucky. I'm pretty happy with all that I do. It's a constant learning process. I'm not proud of everything, but I try to look deeper into my mistakes and make amends, or at least commitments to avoid making the same mistake twice- although sometimes avoidable. A friend today was telling me on the beach of her latest exploits with the male species and I looked at her strange and she just looked up at me and said, "Don't give me shit!" and that was that- lol! We both laughed as we both know how each other is. Funny as we ran into each other last night pau hana & back on the North Shore in Paia and she was frustrated with the nightlife scene and venting & I had just come from this fantastic Indian food christmas party w/my yoga peeps at a sweet old (renovated) plantation house up in Skill Village- like the kind of super sweet Hawaiian plantation house you visualize when you think of South Sea Islands- w/a bit of a contemporary feel though but still rustic... Oh, and the Samoa connection still goes on as the party was at Tane's house (Samoan yoga teacher). YEs I am still being drawn to American Samoa in the strangest of ways. I think I'm ready to get back to that professor & see about these potential jobs.
Anyway, so she & I met up off Baldwin Avenue heading up to Makawao. She was ahead of me so I saw her parked off the road in some open field amongst the cane fields and we just sat under the stars outside our cars for a long time chatting it up & watching for meteors and at one point in time I thought we should just get our beach chairs out and sit down & be more comfortable for our social visit! It was just so sweet, just so country. Some dogs barking in the distance, some roosters crowing or whatever it is that they do, some monster trucks driving by w/Hawaiian music blaring out and stops to see if we are ok or need a ride. Such a story in itself those moments.
Speaking of 'those moments', someone recently wished me an excellent life and, although under the most bittersweet of circumstances, it reminded me that we are all just humans. Expectations can be ego busters, deal breakers, etc. We make mistakes & we either learn from them right away, or we struggle over them a bit more. It is difficult when you want to express yourself and you feel you have no outlet in which to do so. Sometimes the anthropologist in me just wonders if we are evolving or devolving as a species. Why is something as basic as a need for communication is so difficult for many? Why do we have instinct to hiding our feelings? I understand true romance and for these reasons I cannot think about it. It's supposed to just happen so it's always a letdown when you think something interesting is brewing and then it fizzles. It's those first moments of longing, when you want something but it's not within your reach at the moment & you are ok with it because you are confident that if something is meant to be, it just happens effortlessly. Sucks when it doesn't happen effortlessly. But wounds heal all time right?!
I have rambled... sunrising... need sleep...