11.09.2009

opposites attract opposing forces


Been a long time since I had enough time alone w/myself to really just clear my mind. So much put on the back burner so I could give school my all.

This weekend was monumental. The hike up to the top of the ridge was long and difficult and incredible and after this weekend I find myself atop the ridge looking down to the other side... A most amazing wave of sweet exhalation keeps breaking atop my head now. Steam is emitting. I did it- I made it to the top of the ridge on this journey I took alone. Well, pretty much alone. I tossed people to occupy that small space in the back of my mind along w/everything else. It was a solo journey with some sweet hiccups!

So tonight I find myself pleasantly tuckered out.  Nico and I climbed another mountain at work today. How can 10 acres be so full of overgrown weeds that don't take kindly to machete? I admit I was holding the clipboard... and map ... and flagging tape ... and compass ... and most importantly the sharpie and poor Nico was left to forage ahead and pave the way- for me, so I could use my sharpie to write on the flagging tape, and mark off on the map...  Yes it does sound sexist doesn't it- lol. At any rate, I did get jealous at one point looking at all the sweat pouring out from him. We kept to our own tasks though! It was fantastic to be out surveying the land in all of its thorny weediness. Gosh it made me feel really alive: hiking over uneven terrain coming up into gullys, arroyos, criks (think creek but pronounce crick). So here in Hawaii they call them swales and bulldozer push piles from 40 years ago... The point being that I was holding onto the elements to keep from getting sucked down into them. It was incredibly rich. All that cerebral, mental studying of books every night, all night; up until all hours on the computer logged into classes, blocking everything else out- well today was sweet that's all. The weekend proved fruitful for me & literature review & power point critical needs analysis presentation turned it... phew!

Now that I'm atop the ridge looking over I get glimpses of what I abandoned behind in storage. Pleasantly exhausted from work, I lay here on the couch getting my one woman party on w/an adult beverage & then some. My tarot cards suddenly jumped out of my closet & into my mind & moments afterwards into my hands. I have this friend who it seems is sad & I thought could use a card drawn for them so I can gather some insights about them. I'm a bit worried about them & don't know if they are alright- emotionally, mentally, physically, financially- whatever.

If there can be no verbal communication, so then shall it exist on another level- a level where I know my powers. Now this friends level, a level many people in their predicament they think they can sink into under the radar- especially if they are far enough away. A friend always knows these things though, well this one does anyway. So after a few deep breaths, turning off lights & a Moroccan blood orange candle burning (I know you're thinking cliche but I say just wicked cool).  The reflective mood made me feel human again, not just a knowledge sucker out of academic books, journals & articles to theorize, hypothesize & debate among colleagues.

7 of disks: failure- the Aleister Crowley Thoth Tarot deck
Never a card to be anticipated honestly. Interesting as it was raining hard earlier and right before I pulled the card it stopped raining and got very calm. Kinda like 'it' wanted to stop raining so I could concentrate on openness. Now that I contemplate the 7 of disks & my friend the rain just came pouring down- like a cacaphony of news not necessarily well-received by either of us I suppose.  What is the bright side of a fall from paradise into the abysses of fate? Ok I just have to quote this as I couldn't possibly reproduce this paragraph- even in the creative state of mind/body I'm in right now:

"Failure is the name of the card and program for its downfall, and so the Seven of Disks talk of hopes deceived and crushed, of unfilled promises, loss of fortune, dealings that first sounded good but later revealed as short-living or cheating, false successes with no lasting benefit, that in the end had cost much more than they had gained. "


There is always a bright side though and that's the beauty of coming out of despair:

"The hope within the card is the hand of Saturn, the father of time, who reminds us to wait for a chance instead of quickly jumping after any vague promise, to silently watch and reflect and get deeper insights into the coherences, until the time will come when a real chance shows up."


http://www.corax.com/tarot/cards/index.html?disks-7


I can't say if my friend can feel that I am thinking about them right now & I might never know but I feel a sense of relief. The card reveals much about myself as well- in feeling very fortunate that I have not had to contemplate this harsh aspect of life too closely. I wish for my friend to recover from their journey & become once again a part of the world where people move their mouths around as well as the muscles in their mouth to produce different sounds and pronunciate vowels & consonants in order to construct words into sentences based on thoughts.

Some people just don't get it- friendship