7.07.2009

full moon muse


Staring into the Hudson until my rational blurs and dissipates into a thinly veiled exoskeleton- finally succumbed into a more pliable existence. It is well into the wee hours of the night so I understand my body's innate will to seek out solitude here in this increasingly maddening city. It is naturally drawn to the stillness of the feminine energy that only seems to exist during the bewitching hours. This full moon so ripe pulls at my body rhythms as does the ebb and flow of the tides moving the Hudson. We seem to be breathing in unison. This is reassuring. As I stare into the nebulous horizon my eyes relax and my breaths get deeper and I begin to calm down. This city takes its toll on me. I can feel my pulse throughout my body now and it slowing down to a viscous primordial ooze that I am familiar with. This is more my rhythm. I know this feeling. I know the wealth of goodness that comes from it. Breathing in the negative ions from the obscurity of the twilight shadows. It is a beautiful dance and I am a solo performer tonight.

That I can find a placidity amidst this insanity. Even the river seems enchanting tonight with dark cimmerian smokiness illuminated by the moon with distant shores (Jersey...) captured ever so provocatively from the shoreline lending favor to an abstract visual. I am grateful for this because I see it in the daytime... It is not quite so poetic.

Granted this place is so stimulating and there is so much greatness contained in this city, my body feels like it is fossilizing. It is like a caged animal just waiting patiently, or knowingly more appropriately, to selfishly, selflessly grab those moments of fleeting freedom even if only to experience momentarily. I do have these flashes of laissez faire but I am indeed selfish. I want more. More than even the American Ballet Theatre can provide. More than the broadway show Billy Elliott can provide, more than the exhibition of our first ancestor "Lucy" fossils can provide. More than all the dancing 'til wee hours clubs in the Meatpacking District can provide...

School- now there is something that encourages me on here. This is why I'm here. I have a plan and I am seeing something through. To be among such stimulating minds here- this is my ecstasy, my delirium, my rapture, my euphoria, my intoxication. My mind is so powerful here but still not enough to overtake & convince my body... fortunately. My mind & body still compete for alone time. My restless body is in direct competition with my overindulged mind. The battle continues on. My mind is on the same biorhythm as my macbook pro. Madness ensues surely. My body goes to great lengths lately to compete; how many miles can I run in a day to exhaust myself? Not enough. Daylight hours are allocated for school. Funny, so are the darkness hours... How can these 2 coexist harmoniously? I am pleasantly amused in the end. To witness in the experiment of the highlight of humanity. These blogs are my time capsule.

I eek out a small laugh as I ponder tonight's dinner provided by my favorite Vietnamese family here that own a Mexican joint around the corner from me! Yes the absurdity of this elicits glee. This in NYC...