7.20.2009

HIGHways


Sitting outside on the stoop watching the world go by. I find my mind escaping the clutter of the waking hours & the debris that comes with ingesting the city- this city. Escaping into these moments of peaceful awareness to reflect critically what I cannot, or don't want to process until I'm illuminated by the moon's evasive glow. It's more like an afterglow as the difficulty of sensing where it is with all these buildings in the way is frustrating in many ways. It's like I cannot find my way home. I search though.


With every search comes new beginnings. Never answers, just layers of textured truths than spawn more thoughts laying foundations for seeds of renewal. Thoughts on humanity & our conditioned response- how to rise above conditioned response & feel free. Freedom from attachment of patterns of expectation. Can one really be free of this at all times? I find it increasingly difficult to see this through. If we are still seeking answers, or enlightenment more appropriately, then are we free?


Opening myself up to truths- it's so vulnerable to put oneself really out there. To really feel something- something that you want badly, perhaps to feel it slipping, or lost, and to rise above & realize not all is what it seems- this feels like freedom tonight. Freedom comes at a cost because you have to understand the consequences. You have to handle it graciously. In this you are rewarded with enlightenment through a meaningful experience.


To understand the value in the meaning of the road less traveled. These back roads- I have found the most meaning in these juxtaposed roads with no roadsigns. Passion accelerating down a 2-lane highway suddenly taking a detour onto a pockmarked dirt road. Seemingly so unpleasant at first, it shapes into a distant gas station at the far end of the galaxy where you can refill your fluids and move along.


Suddenly craving some David Lindley. When I dance, as I danced this weekend, I am free. Free from conditioned response & expectations. Sweating next to other revelers in the heat of estatic moments of losing touch of conscious thought processes- this is beautiful- too beautiful to mess up. No pretenses, no inhibitions, just loss of control. These moments of higher awareness blow my mind. I need this- the endorphins it produces, the thrill of humanity in that moment working together as a group yet independently riding the wavelengths of freedom... it is inspiring.


Will there ever be 2 people that can continue on this lost highway, or do we find ourselves stuck in rips in the fabric of time and end up in parallel universes only to spend our time seeking out something that has already happened or currently happening on a different plane of existence?


The lesson here is to embrace all the forks in the road and challenge the unknown because what do we really know? We think we know. We want to know. We want to avoid taking the wrong turn because our more eclipsed comfort zone of being tells us to seek out conditioned response to stabilize. Our primitive minds know- I know. I want. I desire. I will not settle for anything less. There is no lonely highly when you love yourself enough to know- even if the sole hitchhiker on the road.


I always seem to get lost! I feel free. There are like-minded people that seek this. I tend to think they are down that pockmarked dirt road awaiting that moment. I always prefer the pockmarked dirt road. I don't necessarily know what this means. I don't really mind.